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I gathered up my gear complete with a half-pint of Southern Comfort and a fresh quarter ounce of weed I had scored from one of my brother's friends. This was going to be sweet. It was the first real weekend after school had let out and with a car, liquor and weed, it promised to be a great night. I ran out the door yelling to my mom that I would be gone for the night and would be spending the night at Mike's house. Sprinting, I practically flew into the backseat. "What is up, my brothers?" I shouted. "Are you guys ready for a night of decadence, wild women and sin?"I questioned. "You couldn't get a girl with backstage passes to a Stones concert." my main man Mike snickered. "Yeah? Well, I got your mom with only a five dollar bill." I shot back. Doug chuckled in a way that always reminded me of someone much, much, older. "Where we headin' first?" I asked while playfully yanking on Mike's ponytail. "We thought we'd go to Haskell Parking lot and see if anyone's hanging around." answered Doug. "Sounds good, let's roll." I said as Doug skillfully backed out of my driveway.
I broke out my bag and started rolling a joint while me and Mike mentally jousted about our looks, our style, our family and anything else we could think of..nothing was safe. As we pulled into the parking lot, smoke from the joint had already begun filling the car. "Empty!" Mike said, stating the obvious. "Maybe everyone's just not here yet." I offered. "Maybe there's a keg party and we didn't get invited cuz we hang out with you." Mike countered. " Maybe they're gangbanging your sister and that's why we're not invited." I replied. "Sheesh, that was harsh." Doug laughed as we pulled to a stop in the parking lot. "I'd hate to hear how you guy's talk about my family when I'm not around." "We wouldn't do that." Mike answered, looking back at me laughing.
Through all the joking and smoke, none of us noticed the police cruiser making it's way through the only entrance to the parking lot. In fact, it was only when they pulled directly behind us that we suddenly saw them. "Shit! Cops!" Doug half yelled and half whispered. All of us started "crotching" our bags and wiping any evidence from the seats. The cops circled like sharks around the car, each taking a side. The cop on my side knocked on the window next to my head. I slowly rolled it down hoping the extra couple of seconds would help the smoke dissipate. It didn't. Smoke rolled out like a scene out of a Cheech and Chong movie. "Evening Sir." I offered. "Is there something wrong?" he leaned back and adjusted his gun belt. His crew-cut and '70's porn mustache accented a face that had not even a hint of humor on it. "Let's have it hippie!" he growled. Still not quite grasping the situation, my smart-ass side responded. "Have what, Sir?" "You know damn well what, punk. The pot!" he said, becoming increasingly irritated. "Gee officer." I continued, still not understanding the gravity of the situation. "You missed it. We just finished our last joint."
Stepping back slightly he said, "I'm giving you one last chance, give up the pot or I'm hauling someone's parent's car into the pound."
With that, Doug reached into his pants and pulled out his bag and handed it to the officer. I thought, "Fine. Doug's busted." But then he turned to me and said, "Give him your's too." I couldn't believe it. Why? The cop already had what he wanted. "Whatthefuck?" I stammered. At that exact moment I felt a hand on the back of my long hair and I was literally pulled through the window. In a second I was on the ground with a hard knee in my back. The cop was now rifling through my pockets and shoving his hands down the front of my pants. "Not so smart now, are ya hippie?" he hissed. After pulling my bag out, he cuffed my hands behind my back and pushed me against the back of his cruiser. "You boys best be leaving now if you know what's good for you." his partner told my friends. Watching their car leave left me suddenly feeling incredibly vulnerable. Mr. Crew-cut pressed his body against mine and whispered, "We're all alone now punk."
"Fine" I said. "I'm busted. I want to exercise my right to a lawyer." They both laughed. "Yeah, we'll get right on that." Crew-cut's partner said. With that Crew-cut lifted my cuffed hands up and pulled me away from the cruiser. He opened the door to the back seat and placed his hand back on my hair. "Watch your head." he advised and then smashed my face into the top of the door opening. Blood began gushing from above my eye. "I told you 'watch your head'. You don't listen well, do ya boy." He then pushed me into the backseat and slammed the door. Through the window I could see the two cops arguing. Crew-cut was angry and was shouting down his partner. I didn't like the looks of this. They both got back into the cruiser and without saying a word began pulling out of the parking lot. "Look, I was a smart-ass, I admit." I offered. "I got my ass whupped and I deserved it." I continued. "How about we call it even?" I negotiated through blood-blurred eyes. "Not this time, hippie." Crew-cut snarled.
We were not heading toward the downtown police station and I knew it. I began to panic. "Where are we going?" I asked. " Sit down and shut the fuck up!" Crew-cut screamed. "Or so help me God I'll kill you right here!" "Look..." I started. Crew-cut slammed on the brakes. "Did you not hear me you stupid fucking piece-of-shit?" Crew-cut screamed. I put my head down. Crew-cut started driving faster. Street after street went by as my mind raced. Soon they turned down Mackin street by Northern High School. I knew this street. It dead-ended at the highway. There was nothing there. "Look Sir, I know I was an asshole. I've learned my lesson. You don't need to do this." I begged. "Shut the fuck up!" he screamed again. The cruiser stopped at the dead end. Only a large field covered the last hundred yards. "No one will hear me if I scream." I thought.
Crew-cut unbuckled his seat belt. "No one will hear the shot over the traffic." he told his partner as he opened the door. "You can't let him do this." I cried to his partner. "I'm only 15!" Crew cut reached into the back seat and yanked me out by my hair. The next few minutes is a blur of being dragged...kicked...punched.. and cursed. When we reached the middle of the field he pushed me to the ground and placed his foot on my back. It got really quite for a moment. It was as if time had stood still. The only sound was the traffic and my own sobs. Suddenly I heard the unsnapping of his holster. Crew-cut put his knee on my back and began uncuffing me. "Can't have you thrashing around with the cuffs on, it might leave a mark." he said. Then he cocked the hammer of his service revolver back and placed it on the base of my neck. "Now, beg for your life." he commanded.
Through tears, I sobbed and pleaded with him not to kill me. I told him I was only a kid. I told him my mother needed me. I told him I was really a good person, that I would be better. And then I just cried.
Slowly he stood up. I heard him put his gun back in his holster. I shook with uncontrollable fear. He said, "If you ever tell anyone about this I will hunt you down." Then he kicked me...and...finally..he left.
I laid there for a long time after I heard the cruiser rumbling down the dirt road. I crawled through the grass until I reached a group of small pine trees and then slowly, shaking, I stood up to look around. All I saw was stillness. The car lights went one by one down the highway. No birds, no crickets, just the hum of cars. "What if he comes back? I thought. For a good five minutes I just stood there, afraid to move. Slowly, I started making my way back to the road. Only then did I start to notice how much my body hurt. I wiped my sleeve across my face and the blood shown bright red in the moonlight. As I started down Mackin road, a car pulled out of a vacant lot. "He's back." I thought. I turned to run but the lights didn't look like a cruiser. I started waving my arms to get their attention. "I'm going to make it" I thought.
The car pulled closer and I realized it was Doug's Impala. I ran up to the car and jumped in the back seat. "Go" I commanded as I tucked my head down. "What the hell happened?" Mike asked. "We saw them roughing you up as we pulled away. We waited around the corner and then followed them. Why did he drag you out into that field? You look like hell, what did he do to you?" I told them the whole story. They wanted me to report them but I felt like I had no one to report them to. Cops protect other cops, I reasoned. I was never able to fully trust a cop again.
Some years later, I was watching a young black man beat up by the police right on my T.V. His name was Rodney King. Someone had video taped the beating. The cops were later arrested and tried and convicted. While some of my white friends bemoaned the arrest and tried to defend the white cops mostly because of the black/white nature of the media coverage, I secretly rooted for the blacks. When the conviction came back, part of me screamed with joy, while part of me cried through the memories I thought I had long ago buried. I still have a hard time shaking that feeling of begging for my life, it's something you never forget. Even though I know this kind of thing still happens, I also know that because of one man named George Holiday, who thought enough to film something that he knew wasn't right, we're all a little safer. Because of his actions and the actions of other people like him, bad cops are a little more nervous now than they were in the past. Somehow, that makes me feel a little better. H.C.
13 comments:
Very powerful story HipCon. It made me feel like I was in the car right alongside you. An experience like this would have most adults scared to death, let alone teenagers barely old enough for chest hair. Thanks for your willingness to sharing this. I hope it was ultimately cathartic for you.
But...
Stories like this are merely snapshots of what people of color experience, perhaps with a few glaring differences between the stories:
(1) This isn't a diss, nor is it an excuse for what Crew Cut did, but you were engaged in illegalities at the time. That alone would be enough for a cop to assume your guilt and treat you like dirt. For people of color, sometimes their only crime is having the wrong skin color. This certainly doesn't take away from the fact that you were brutalized based on an officer's stereotyping. Particularly, I think he had some anti-hippie animus from the start, which is why anything you did to appeal to his reasoning would've been pointless. But your decision to be hippi-otic (I made that word up, but you get the point) and the indecision to be a person of color are two different things.
(2) Nowadays, if a POC gets pulled over for not signaling at a right turn, we fear the worse, let alone if were actually commiting a major violation.
I guess that's why I never used Rodney King as the poster child for police brutality. The dude was speeding, drunk, beligerent, and violating parole. Getting his ass kicked probably saved his life. Similarly you - albeit a much younger you - were in the car smoking weed and arguably being defiant. Now that certainly doesn't mean that King needed to get beat within an inch of his life, or that you deserved to get your head bashed in and dragged out to a field pleading for your life. But people have suffered much worse for doing much less.
" Even though I know this kind of thing still happens, I also know that because of one man named George Holiday, who thought enough to film something that he knew wasn't right, we're all a little safer. Because of his actions and the actions of other people like him, bad cops are a little more nervous now than they were in the past. Somehow, that makes me feel a little better."
I dunno man. Not me. For one, cops tend to have strong bonds. They're willing to cover up for another to protect each other. You can make the argument that inverse surveillance from the average citizen is leading to more judiciousness from officers, but I'm thinking officers tight bonds and protection of one another are enough to combat that. I'm just not sure on this one.
Like I said before man: great post. It took a lot of heart and courage to drudge up what HAS to be one of the scariest moments in your life. Kudos are yours, HC.
Hey Dre,
Thank you for the compliments. But I never meant for it to be a comparison in any way to what people of color experience. It's simply that reading stories about police brutality, no matter who it is, always brings me back to that day. Oscar Grant, in particular, struck a chord with me. Watching the video made me realize how easily I could have been killed by a cop who obviously had a hard time controlling his anger. Remember, Oscar was involved in a fight and from the looks of the video said something to the cop that he obviously didn't like. That certainly doesn't justify the actions of the cop. You seem to want to make this a comparison between the black experience and white people's. But I really don't care about the color of Oscar Grant or anyone else if they're being abused by people who's job it is to "Serve and Protect" not to judge and punish. I understand where your coming from, but I would rather we be outraged by their actions than by the color of the victim's skin. Often I hear people say, "Black children die because of lack of health care more than white children." To them it's a crime because of the discrimination. To me that statement simply divides people. No one's child should die in this country because of who their parents are....period. I long for a day when a child dies unnecessarially and we are outraged without asking or caring what color, religion, etc. the child is. If the action is wrong, what does it matter? Would you say (if you didn't know me) after reading this story, "Good, it's about time white people get to see what it's like to be black?" Or would you simply say, "Damn, that shit was wrong." I understand your point, but I didn't think what happened to Rodney King, or Oscar Grant or for that matter Reginald Denny was more or less wrong because of their "hue". Also, for the record, I still get sick to my stomach whenever I'm pulled over. As for my contribution to what happened to me. Yes, I was smoking pot, at the time it was a misdermeaner about on par with not using a turn signal. (you normally got a ticket and your pot taken unless you were a minor, then you were taken to juvenile and your parents were called) and yes, I was a little smart but I even offered to call it even after my head was split open. Also, I never resisted at all. I don't think I deserved something that I still have a hard time getting over to this day (and I've gotten over a lot). On your last point, as someone who lived through a time when a white guy with long hair, or a black man, couldn't drive through Grand Blanc without being pulled over, I know things have gotten a lot better. Are things still bad? Yes. But now it's the exception, when I was young, it was the rule. I do believe video recorders contributed to that. Thanks as always for your thoughts though.
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